Do we help ourselves?

We have Inner Voice in Symphony which helps make a little contribution to the huge efforts made by voluntary organisations in catering to the needs of the needy and helpless.

But everytime I read the words Inner Voice, it reminds me of something else. The first question that my inner voice pops up with is 'Do we help ourselves?'. There are numerous issues that we face in our day to day life. Do we fix them or crib about them? And why do we need others like us to fix them for us? While we go around helping others? Let me explain my point by giving a few examples of the problems we know exist and tend to ignore or workaround.

We rent a house to stay. The house does not meet some basic standards of living, the owner demands an exhorbitant rent for the same, expects to be paid in cash, does not provide any receipt for it, takes deposit and makes agreement on a stamp paper that has no legal standing. Again if you intend to leave the place there is definitely going to be a deduction in the deposit amount returned. This is all very understood, right? Usual, right? Thats the way here, right? But why? We know its wrong. We know that we are paying tax and someone else is not. Do we try doing anything about it? Yet we find it necessary to do a walkathon for someone else.

We pay taxes to the government to provide us basic facilities, like water, electricity, roads, services. (We dont really pay, we are forced to pay, I wouldve probably stopped paying taxes a long time ago, if I knew I had to live in such a world, again why am I not doing anything about it? hmmm)Coming back to where i started, although we have already paid for these services, we still buy water cans, we still drive or commute on pathetic roads. Why dont we do anything about it? Oh but we still did not forget to donate to tsunami victims.

Once, my friend and me had got very late and were not finding an auto. The autos that did oblige were ready to do so for a price that was 6 times more than the normal rate. The attitude was so infuriating that we decided to walk down the way (short distance). Suddenly out of the blue comes a man on a scooter yelling at us to be walking on the road alone. "Are you crazy? Are you from a different city? Let me find an auto for you? Wait there! You should not travel on Bangalore roads alone in the night!" We told the person please do not try and find an auto. He failed to understand why. I told him, "How do we know whether we can trust you?" At that point of time I would have not trusted even a policeman. Made we wonder, who is going to help me bring about that trust, that faith in law and order? Who will change the unruly behaviour of the autodrivers? When will the day come when a Bangalorean will feel ashamed of having to say that the city is not safe in the night. But then is it safe in the day? And am I doing anything about it? Nope. Its easier to help give some money to homes for abandadoned children.

These are just some examples of what is wrong in our lives. I feel, we need to bring about a change in our lives first before showing the guts to change the lives of others. When we dont have proper roads, how can we expect facilities for the disabled? When we dont even follow basic traffic rules, how can we expect any special provisions for the blind to cross the same roads? When we dont feel safe walking on the roads at 10 pm in the heart of the city, how can we expect protection for street children? When we are letting politicians create unrest and rifts between states over issues like water and language, how can we expect our neighbouring country to talk about peace with us? What about issues like tackling corrupt politicians? Its our money they are eating. Are we doing anything about it? What about world politics? Do we understand how the decisions made by world leaders to serve their own interests could make an impact in our day to day lives?

Hey arent we the ones who are well informed? People who have to fight from grassroots level are trying their bit. What about us? If there is a Medha Patkar for the poor, there has to be a Narayan Murthy for us. We need to look into more complex matters. We need to question those who can get away from the clutches of common people. We need to spearhead a crusade against injustice. Injustice towards lesser mortals? We are those lesser mortals. We have to help ourselves first!!

Contributing in a small way to people who are helping other living beings is not enough. We must simultaneously also tackle the issues that we face in our day to day life. Lead by example.

-Y.

Mangal Pandey -

Definitely watch it, but just once.

I won’t say the movie was a let down coz I know why I was going there. Aamir Khan. If you love this guy, for old times sakes, you must go and watch the movie. Considering the expectations it has generated the movie is not able to live up to them. My reaction was ‘BAS, ITNAHICH?’

Merits:

* Aamir Khan’s different look (he was even looking cute when he smiled thru those mooch)

* Aamir Khan’s acting (wasn’t much scope to act, he had to just give a flared up joshila look no matter wot the scene)

* The song – Mangala mangala

* Om puri’s narration gave us the hope that there is someone to guide thru the non-story and that we wont be lost

DeMerits:

* Ketan Mehta has failed to generate, maintain, accelerate any momentum to the movie. Everytime he reaches there and then diffuses the effect with some silly scene.

* There are those moments which you wish would be the hi-lite of the whole patriotic drama, but they are hesitantly missed everytime by the director.

* Unnecessary characters – Rani M, Amisha Patel, KirrrrronKher, if they needed to be, then their portrayal was very bad, some meaningful purpose could’ve been cooked up for those characters. Their clothes were not at all like those times, all the more they were vulgar.

* Silly dialogues at times.

* Unnecessary songs – tawaif song, dargaa song, gypsy song, holi song……and many more!!!! Sooooo many songs!! :( :( :(

* There was no flow to the movie, just some good patches put together.

-Y.

Jimpu

i had few friends when at school. i was looking for company. i was looking for a true friend. dont remember how and when i got the idea that the solution to my loneliness lied in getting myself a pet dog. except for dad no one was in favor of this idea.

but we did it. on 15th august 1986, dad read a newspaper ad about dashchund pups for sale. and we went. to seven bungalows in andheri. there he was! the most black and fattest pup in the whole litter. the only one who was independently snooping around the drawing room while the rest of the pups followed their mother in a bunch. he came to me sniffing my feet. i picked him up and placed him on the hand bag i had brought. and mr.investigator continued sniffing the hand bag. he was just about little bigger than a hand palm. i had made my choice. his mother came following us upto the elevator and was looking at me holding him. i can never forget the look in her eyes.

well her son was not really affected much by her absense. he was all over the taxi seat once again engrossed in his one and only activity - sniffing new smells. i was so excited when we reached home with him in my hands. i watched the neighbours' kids gaping at me. my mom was sarcastic as ever. she kept saying look 1100 rupees are walking on our floor. she had no idea then how this one little life was going to change everyone's perspective towards animals and life in general.

that night was a night that everyone would remember in my family. this little being made it very clear to us that he was not going to sleep alone. he had quietly managed to clamber out of his new cosy bed made of a tub and mom's old sari. he had taken a trip around the house and ensured that he had marked his route with little round puddles of susu, just in case he got lost. along with the puddles was the siren...uh..uh..uh..uh... This is a sound puppies make when they are searching for something or when they are upset about something. we were a bit apprehensive that the siren doesnt change into shrill puppy-cries. my sister, who was in mom's team of dog haters, picked jimpu up and kept him on her lap and started singing..zo..zo...gai... she was definitely in her sleep! but it worked! it did! the sound of someone being there, the rocking and the assuring pat of the head soon comforted the little devil and he cosily went off to sleep. that was for about two hours and then the cycle repeated. that night we knew we dont have a puppy at home but a little baby that needs constant comfort and assurance and full attention at all times of day and night.

life begun once again with a new entrant in our house. everybody took turns in cleaning and also in avoiding cleaning the young one's susu and shishi. he was too small to be taken out. so then came the time to toilet train this little devil. i remember the days when one of us would keep him in the bathroom and line the entrance with buckets so that he doesnt escape. and then waiting patiently for him to do his job. that was probably the only basic discipline we ever managed to teach our dog.

naming him didnt look very easy first, with me coming up with complex rather stupid names to pronounce like snoopy, snuffy, etc. finally we did decide on an extremely common name, jimmy. what began as jimmy soon ended up with too many variations to it, jimpi, jimpu, jimya, jimaN. my sis used to say this when jimpu used to come to greet her, 'hey jimmu, u lagaving maska to who who?' it rhymed so well. then there was another one she came up with, 'shlightly mad, but shimply clever'. it used to sound so hilarious when you would associate this phrase with the little black badmaash with a misfit tail that wagged at the speed of...you know...at the speed of a dog's tail!

jimpu started growing into an adult dog pretty soon. i remember how excited i had got when he raised his leg while marking his territory! as months went by, jimpu got bolder and naughtier. his favourite games

Mumbai....

In reply to my friend's blog - http://vijayendrad.blogspot.com

The character of a city is not determined and distinguished by just the media, but also by the people who live and experience it.

Imagine all cities as individuals. Each individual has its own identify, its own place, its own importance. So do cities. Each individual is a mixture of good and bad qualities but there are some qualities in the individual, good or bad, which tend to be more prominent and hence end up being the epitome of that personality. The same happens in case of cities. We look up to certain individuals and derive inspiration from them, but we dont end up aping them. We use their experiences as valuable lessons to us. The same applies to cities.

Delhi, Kolkata, Chennai, Mumbai are metro cities and been around for a very long time. They have survived for hundreds of years. The volume of problems that these cities experience is far beyond your imagination. You have to live in such a city and experience it to realise why it gets the importance.

Dont tell me that Mumbai acquired the status of being the commercial capital of our country just out of some bloated self created glittery image. Dont tell me that Mumbai was one of the first and probably only cities from India known to the foreign lands long long ago when probably Pune was still an upcoming town. And didnt Pune exist even when Mumbai was so popular years ago? Didnt it have its chances? Couldnt it have crossed all limits and been more progressive than Mumbai if it wanted to? What was stopping it? (Pune, Just an example) Check out Bangalore. My first reaction was 'bandar ke haath me sone ki chain', its true as of now. But then I feel atleast they have a dream of being the IT capital. Some day their attitudes will change and people here will gain Mumbai-like professionalism in every field. Good for them!

Again, Mumbai talks about its sore wounds like increasing population, slums, uncleanliness, violence, terrorists attacks, communally volatile status, etc, as much as it talks about its glossy, classy image, its revenue generating capacity, its professionalism and its 'resilience'...etc..Has anyone denied anything?

There has to be something in the city that is different than other cities. There is no aura of star and glitter. And if there is, it is earned over the years. ***The city works for its status.*** I would suggest you come and live in Mumbai for a couple of years and tell me then whether you agree with your own views in this blog.

My neighbour who is from Nagpur (Aunty) was so happy yesterday. She was gleeful while saying that Mumbai couldnt survive a day of highest ever rainfall in the entire indian history of 100 years! I couldnt believe she was smiling so much and i couldnt understand what made her so happy about the situation?! When Kanchan spoke about the goodness of Nagpur, my first reaction was, oh is it? Itni kyun taarif karte rehte ho tum log! I must visit your city, i want to see those roads. She has promised to take me some day. How many non-Mumbaikars give the same reaction towards Mumbai?

Have you heard the song 'Turn, turn, turn' by The Byrds? Mumbai has been used, abused and now people will slowly leave it for greener pastures. Its only then that the true mumbaikars will stay back and nurse her back to good health. Mumbai is in a complete different phase of her life, dont compare her with other cities. She has grown and matured over the years.

Lastly....Be proud of who you are but do not fail to appreciate the person in front of you. To do that you really need to keep aside your first opinions and experience the person in front of you, what the person has been through, the person's history, the person's reactions to events, seek those answers, dont believe what people say, dont take a bird's eye. And then decide for yourself. This applies to cities too!

We all have the potential to be a hero, we all have it in us to perform. Do it! Show it! Thats what seperates you from the hero. Only that.

Y

Independence

What is independence? What does being independent mean? I know one thing for sure. It definitely doesn’t mean living or being on your own. Independence is learning the ways of living life in any society.

 When you learn to control yourself, you control the world around you and that’s the first step towards independence.

 When you learn to be responsible for your actions and answerable to your family, it’s the second step towards independence.

 When you learn the art of effective interaction with fellow human beings, it’s the third step towards independence.

 When you learn to create and maintain assets in life, tangible and intangible, that’s the fourth step towards independence.

 When you learn to keep on progressing in life and improving the quality of your life and that of your family, it’s the fifth step towards independence.

 When you learn to feel happy and satisfied with what you are doing in your life, that’s the last step towards independence.

Independence is being free. Free of limited visions, free of fears, free of worries.

I have gone into hibernation.

Someone is watching over me…

There is somebody or something or someone, somewhere, watching my every move, my every step and my every action in life. That someone is observing how I react to every event or situation that occurs in my life.

I don’t know whether that someone is evaluating me on the basis of its observations about me. I don’t know what the purpose behind this watchful eye is. But it is making me conscious. It is making me aware of my actions and my reactions.

Being conscious of its existence and being aware of its watchful eye is making me behave correctly. It helps in making decisions, taking actions and giving reactions in the most appropriate way.

We always know what is best for us if we pause for a while and carefully analyze the situation. We know the answers. But we don’t pause. We don’t take a second look. But if we have someone watching over us, if we are answerable to someone, we tend to take charge of our lives more responsibly.

Probably this is what being in family results in. We are answerable to them and we are conscious of their watchful eye. So we deal with situations in a better way.

I was under the impression that being alone will help me get conscious of my actions and bring in some improvement. I felt that when I will be alone I will be more responsible. But it’s the other way around. The moment you are answerable to no one else but yourself, you relax. Your guard is down. You are vulnerable.

You probably need to be a yogi or a saint to be able to control your feelings and your urge to do things without thinking when you are alone. As someone has rightly said, if you can control your mind you can control the world.

So how is it done? I seem to have found the way. It’s my own. And I don’t know for how long it’s going to work. Well you just read it some paragraphs back. I believe that there is someone watching me and my actions. It is helping.

-Y.

Die Young

Anil Kumar Janardhanan, Smita Sahasrabuddhe, Tejesh Shinde, Raju Ghadi...

People I knew, as friends and colleagues...no more in this world.

Bhooooottt

Presenting my first and last attempt at writing a zatpat Marathi kavita………………

BHOOT!!!

Aga bai, koNi tari aahe tithe!

Kaay ga, tu ugaach kashaalaa bhite?!

Kharach malaa ek aawaaz aiku aalaa

Naahi ga, nehemi saarkhaa tulaa bhaas zhaalaa

Shi bai, tulaa nehemi thaTTaa suchte

Mag, tu saarkhi saarkhi kaa Dachakte?

Bhoot asel! Raatrichi veL aahe!

Kaahi naahi sagLaa tuzhyaa manaachaa kheL aahe

Andhaar aahe pudhe, zaau nako thaamb!

Rastyaachyaa kaDene aahet divyaanche khaamb

miNmiNtaa diva gheun yetay bagh koN

hmmm, aalaa kulfi wala, saang kaay ghenaar, kaaDi ki cone?

Ha tula ghaabaravnyaachaa aakhlaa hotaa mi bet

Ha ha ha, zaNu kahi Ramsay picture zhaalaa Oscar la nominate!!!

-Y.

Y?

I feel like some set of people are on the top of a small hill and I am standing at the foot of the same hill, trying hard to get to the top. I sense the people trying hard to coax me to try harder, to console me by saying dont worry u'll manage someday. But why the hell am I trying to go up there, when I very well know there might not be anything interesting once I reach up there? Why am I ignoring the rest of the flat ground around me, which is more vast, more open, and more welcoming? Why am I ignoring the possibilities of seeking a new direction? Why do I insist on being a 'me too'? Why do I want to remain ordinary? Why do I want to keep following the routine when I know I dont like it a bit? Why do I stay in the company of those who are so well settled with their routines? Why do I get intimidated by those who dare to be different? Why cant I break free? Why do I want to be different but at the same time adhere to the set rules of a typical life?

Y.

Was listening to this song...

i have always liked this song. have you watched the movie 1947 Earth (Aamir Khan, Nandita Das, Rahul Khanna). there is scene then where aamir khan is squating on the railway platform along with many others waiting patiently in complete silence. there has been news that the train which was to arrive at this destination had been target of the hindu-muslim partition riots and everyone on the platform is awaiting to be witness to the gory sights that could be inside the train. its night time. and then this song starts. raat ki daldal hai gaadhi re.......... beautiful music most suitable for the scene. begins with just a single beat of some drum. later the drum beats sound slightly like the sound of a train in motion. as the song moves ahead the train comes in. its large steam engine coming in slowly slowly into the platform. as the train moves in, you must just watch the expression on aamir's face. amazing that guy is. excellent lyrics. 'saans roke hai hawaye, jaane kya honeko hai, maut chupi zhaadi zhaadi re' . gloomy mood, but its so well projected...has to be appreciated.... http://www.raaga.com/channels/hindi/movie/H000002.html Y.

When I just about got to know him.........

A little bit about my school mate, Anil. He was always known to be a sweet person. He used to always flash a sweet all-knowing kind of a smile. I used to like that. He was chivalry personified. I remember once while leaving a restaurant he quickly walked past me and opened the door for me. It came as such a surprise for me that I thought there must be some prank involved and wouldn’t step out! In school I used to call him 'kobi' bcoz I had once seen him buying cabbage at the market. Being a shy person I used to not talk to many boys in school. But it was very easy to talk to Anil somehow. Some girls used to tease him Jaanu. We were not in touch until once in '98 I suddenly received a call from him. He wanted to meet all his old school friends. He wanted to have a get-together of our class. I liked the idea and decided to help him. I remember how we went to seek permission to use our school hall for this. We got the permission too. Then we spent quite some time finding telephone numbers and getting in touch with people. Kumar, another school friend, pitched in and said he would help organise the event too. Everything seemed to be working, when one day Anil called up to say its not going to happen. No one was showing the kind of enthusiasm he was expecting. He just wanted everyone to be there and he would organise the rest. But somehow he got the feeling that people were not interested in doing that either. He sounded very let down. I felt quite bad. We still decided to enjoy that day by going out for lunch. We remained in touch for about a year. He was in merchant navy and had travelled almost to all parts of the world. Had a lot of experiences to narrate. He used to talk about his mother and how she missed him like hell. How they both were so emotionally attached to each other. He was so frank and so easy to talk to. I had not known anything about him as much as I got to know within that year. Strange. Then sometime in the end of the year '98, he got himself a new bike. He used to travel long distances on his bike along with his other bike friends. Long distances - Mira road to Bandra. I got his call sometime after valentine's day in '99 and he was talking about how he had spent his valentine's day in a train in company of some 40 plus age group ladies. Again he was talking about his bike and told me that he will come to my office and we could go for a ride. Was probably kidding then. But he was enjoying his bike, it was pretty obvious. That week I waited for his call expecting him to come over sometime. He didn’t call. I felt why do people say things they don’t mean to do. I decided not to call him first after that. I didn’t. For a month. Then I called him on his birthday on 8th March to wish him. His brother told me 'So you don’t know. Anil met with an accident. He is no more.' I was speechless. His brother was 'Hello, hello'-ing into the phone but I couldn’t speak. Finally I managed to say I will call you later and disconnected. Later I called again and got all the details. He wasn’t wearin a helmet, his head got mowed down a truck wheel when he was taking a right turn out of his merchant navy college gate. This happened the same week when I was expecting a call from him and had decided I wont call if he didn’t. What more can I say. You cannot imagine the torture this must have been to his mother and brother. We paid a visit to their place almost a month after the incident took place but his mother was still in tears and was not feeling very well. His brother was being very brave. A beautiful life, gone, just like that. Did he experience everything he would want to have? Did he enjoy every moment of his life? Where is he now? What is he doing? Does he still flash that this end to that end kind of a smile?? Y

Ganapati Bappa Moryaa

He Lalbaug mhanje Mumbaicha. Mi lahaanpanaa pasun dar varshi ganapati visarjanaachya divshi aai barobar mama/kakanchya ghari girgaum la zaat ase. divas bhar kakanchya gharaachya balconyitna amhi sagli pora ganapatichya mirvanuki baghat. tahaan-bhuk visrun, akkha divas bhar tithe amhi khup dhamaal karaaycho. kakanchya gharaa samorcha rastaa tya divshi fakta mirvanukin saathi asaycha (C.P.Tank). divsaachya shevti amhi mama kade jevaayla ani rahaylaa jaycho. raatri 11 chya sumaraas, kuthun tari koni tari ordat jaycha 'Lalbaug cha Raja aalaa, Lalbaug cha Raja aalaa'. saglya gharaatun loka baher padaaychi. kahi ghai nasaaychi karan ha ganapati itka halu halu pudhe sarkaaycha ki sagle kuthe na kuthe tari ti mirvanuk gaathaayche. ganapati zasaa photo madhe disto tasaa mirvanukit nahi vaatat. karan toh paryanta tyachya angaavar bharpur haar ani phula jamaa zhaleli asat. khup bhavya divya asto. tyachya mukutaa varchya flood light mule ek veglach tej nirmaan hota. prasanna vaatto. pan rastya var barach zapun rahava lagta. dhakka bukki aste. aai-vadil lahaan lahaan poraana bindaast pujaryachya hataat detat, ganapati bappachya aashirwadaa saathi. chandichya chatrya, notaanche haar, zhannza ani dhol, gulaal, kaay baghaylaa nako! sakali nighalele he ganpati bappa raatri 11 vaze paryant fakta 15-20 minitaancha rasta paar karu shaktat. khup manaa paasun prarthanaa karaayshi vaatte hya Lalbaugchya Rajala. Y.

My room-mate

We share the house together. She is very smart, quick, efficient, watchful little thing. She is way younger to me. Slim figure, large eyes, fair skin. I make her feel very much at home. She has adjusted and adapted well to her surroundings now. She likes to keep the house free of pests and insects, she is very particular about that. But she tends to be messy otherwise. I tolerate that too a certain extent. Today early in the morning (9:30 am) I took her picture with my SLR. Lets see how it turns out to be. I feel safe in her company. She is my roommate. I need to name her soon enough now. Cannot keep calling her baby lizard. Y.

Guntaa

When life is changing too fast, lots of things happening too quickly, deadlines coming in too fast, you are not sure whether you should relax, take it easy, dont panic or should it be ok get ur act straight, handle it all. What I have realised is just this. Take one step at a time. And make sure it is the correct step at that moment. Question everything you do with a 'is this the best thing to do and the best that i can do right now?'. If yes go ahead. Things resolve slowly but surely. Sometimes its best that you dont analyse the big picture and just concentrate on one guntaa at a time. Probably everybody knows this. I didnt. Y.

Dreams series - Imagine your day...

Imagine yourself standing on your bare feet on the green wet grass of a meadow surrounded by little yellow flowers, looking up to a clear blue sky of early morning, a mild yellow sunshine falling all over, little birds chirping in the background, your children giggling and playing around you, your watchful dog standing nearby proudly swaying his tail, a steaming cup of aromatic tea in your hands, a cool breeze blowing, bringing in the sweet smell of flowers and earth.

Imagine yourself lying on a hammock under the shade of a huge tree in the afternoon sun, with loads of interesting books to read, a deafening silence, with only an occasional sound of trees swaying in a little bit of breeze, completely engrossed in reading with no awareness of time or the world.

Imagine yourself with friends going for a walk in the evening through the narrow lanes of a tiny village towards the main market, sitting at a tapri which serves garam chai and savor every sip, and talk and talk and talk.

Imagine yourself walking down a beach in the darkness of the night, with your soulmate, not a word spoken, just the sound of the wind and the waves, bright stars in the sky and the dark looming swaying shadows of trees, the cold sand sinking under your feet, and the feeling that this walk, this journey shall never end...

Y.

Y Blog?

There are a lot of thoughts that I cant just share with near dear ones because I end up making them worried but yet I feel like voicing them in the hope of getting enlightened by someone else's view on the same. I think blogging is going to help me do that. I may or may not receive any feedback, but when I write imagining that there is huge audience there reading everything I have to say, I automatically learn to organise my thoughts, sense whether I am being stupid or irrational or illogical, learn to express my dreams, hopes, opinions boldly... What I used to scribble into emails written to friends, I will now be neatly compiling in a space that belongs to me and only me. Wow! Hope this gets more and more interesting..for me for sure...and who knows, maybe even for those who just happen to read my blogs.... Y.